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How to throw a party like a Slacker Mom

January 9, 2016

  1. Ignore son’s many hints about upcoming birthday.  You don’t want to throw him the kind of party HE wants: it will be too big, expensive, and overwhelming if you ask about any preferences.  Pretend you can’t hear him and change the subject.
  2. To compensate, think about, but don’t actually purchase, the thing that you know would be an unmitigated hit.
  3. Instead, purchase necessities: boots, shoes, jackets.  These are his gifts.
  4. Allow the low-grade guilt to fester.
  5. The day before his birthday, in an impetuous fit, text the mothers of three fiends whose number are not only in your phone, but labelled.
  6. Make up what you imagine your nearly-nine year old MIGHT like.
  7. Call it a surprise, which really just means put together at the last minute and uninformed.
  8. Madly clean the most public parts of the house for  year-old-boys to not notice.
  9. Arrange for the school district to deliver the son’s friends to your house–the first surprise is on the bus.  Thanks tax-payers.
  10. When they get home, force the boys to do math homework.
  11. The lynch-pin of slacker mom’s everywhere: store-bought cupcakes.
  12. Have the boys assemble snack bags from your lunch pantry to sneak into a movie theatre so you don’t have to pay for theatre popcorn.
  13. Take the boys to a second-run movie at the dollar theatre. Impress them by being the ONLY ones in the theatre.
  14. On the way home, buy them fairly disgusting tacos at a place the son has been wanting to try.
  15. Compel son to admit his birthday turned out much better than he expected it to be.  He expected it to be a normal school day, so a glorified playdate really was impressive.  And much less work than a PLANNED party.

You probably could have figured that out on your own.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Mere permalink
    January 9, 2016 6:58 pm

    I’m so glad your blog is back! I thought China ate it!

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