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Exactly how Special Am I?

November 29, 2010

Lady: Where are you headed?
Me: B.E.R.
Lady: OK. Sign in.
(She watches me as I do)
Lady: You buy a T-shirt?
Me: Yes.
Lady: That was very kind of you. Very nice. So thoughtful (nodding approvingly). Thank you for your help.
Me: (a little surprised the BOCES receptionist feels so connected to WBER) You’re welcome.
Lady: I like that jacket.
Me: Thanks.
Lady: It really suits you. It makes your outfit so…snazzy. Really–you should always keep that jacket; it sets you apart.
Me: Uh…OK.
Lady: Ready to go now? (clasps hands) Listen carefully: make your first left and it’s right at the end of the hall. Got that?
Me: Yup–thanks.
Lady: Good luck!

I left so confused. No, not the directions–that was exactly one turn. She seemed kind of…special. But she couldn’t really be special, right? She has a regular job, with some responsibility, you know, buzzing people in and all. But why was she talking to me like that? Oh snap! Could she think I am special?!? I think she does. Why else would she talk to me like that?

Mental audit:
Behavior: I may have looked a bit confused, since I was in a new place….
Conversation: Pretty normal. In fact, even a little witty (I edited that out since you, my readers, already know all about my wit).
Musical Taste: Seriously–how many developmentally delayed adults are really into New Wave Wednesdays? I’ll give you some, but I am guessing not lots.
Clothes: Well, I must admit that my easy slip on shoes and otherwise bland but casual ensemble could easily make me appear fashion backward. Uh oh.
Hair: Yeah–my current haircut is easily special. I can totally see institutionalized adults sporting my do and, well, I’ve known some special people who had it. I thought I was separating myself from them with some product and accessories but clearly, not convincingly.

Now don’t get me wrong: I have always known how we make sometimes wildly inaccurate judgments about other people based on their appearance. When people look at me, they generally assume I am sad, mad, mean, pregnant, bored, or possibly lesbian. I know that. Just for the record, I am only mean. I do it myself: I almost always assume that attractive people are stupid. Don’t worry, beautiful friends, if you are my friend, I have already figured out that you are not stupid–you made the cut.

So apparently I also look like an adult who does not function totally independently in society. It could be worse. But maybe I should go shopping, anyway.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. November 29, 2010 9:22 pm

    Lol thats all I can do, oh that is priceless.

  2. November 30, 2010 5:17 pm

    People used to mistake me for a teen welfare mom, but then I turned 28 and started looking 40, and then they just mistook me for a middle-aged mom who stopped caring.

  3. November 30, 2010 10:41 pm

    Have you seen the Office episode where Kevin has the same experience? I seriously doubt that was what she was thinking. Surely, she was the special one! You need to go back and visit with her again.

    • November 30, 2010 11:03 pm

      I’ll make sure to wear my jacket, if I do. I DID see that Office and it was hilarious!

  4. December 1, 2010 8:02 am

    Hahahahaa! You are not mean. Occasionally caustic, but not mean. Lately, I know I just look worn down — worn hair, worn clothes, worn shoes. oh well.

  5. December 1, 2010 3:01 pm

    Love it, love it, love it. Can’t stop laughing. When are you going to write a book so the whole world can enjoy the Funny that is Emily?

    I’m sure I looked pretty awesome this morning walking Kathryn to the bus stop. I felt ok about stepping out of the house until I had to walk the gauntlet of high school kids waiting for their bus – then I realized that I looked like I was wearing the same pajama-esque outfit I had worn for the entire previous day while laying in bed with a stomach bug – OH WAIT. That’s because I was.

    I remember when I cared about such things as fashion. Sort of.

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